Voiceless Expression

Oh happy day……

Voiceless Expression — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 04:25:12 +0000

Hey guys!
Guess what. Its been a terribly long time since I’ve written anything in here. so hi. lol I’m writing something
So. my life? as of lately? awesome. I can’t tell you how much happier I am lately ^^
Wanna know my secret? God. I don’t know what happened, but I just really started thinking about God and His love… Well, it’s definitely made a difference in my life Is it possible to be high on God? lol Well, I think I am. hah. XD
I can’t tell you just how much happier life is as of lately… ^^

Oh. and good news. I might be getting a BROTHER!! My family is looking into adopting a little one about 10-14 in that age range… I’m SO EXCITED! hehe…

Next order of business. I’m starting a… well, I hope one day this will be a big enough movement to become and organization… and its going to be called CandyCanes4Christ (name by Chelsea and Dana lol — thanks guys! XD)
Heres how its gunna work:
Get notecards and write a Bible verse relevent to God’s love or Christ’s birth or something along with a Christmas message. Attatch this notecard to a candy cane and make a *ton* of these. Then, they’re going to be handed out in a public area such as the mall or just somewhere we can start spreading the gospel. I’m gunna create a website for it so we can really make this big and I’m going to need as much help as I can get. There will be an email address people can send in questions or comments to in case the have questions about Christ or anything. and personally, I think this is going to be AWESOME.
So… everyone help! XDD
And now… I’m very tired, I might just sleep… or go get something to eat. ^^ XD
Well, thats about all I have to say…
Over and Out!
With Love!
~**Kalyn

PS. Bible verse to end this off.
Colossians 1:16
For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.

P.P.S. – a push to write a post recieved from aresmOd lol (happy? )

Help…… please?

Voiceless Expression — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 05:58:04 +0000

Hey all…

So… extending off of my last post a little bit…. throughout my life, I’ve generally thought I’ve done at least somewhat good with the whole “Love” command God gives us constantly throughout the Bible… Love thy neighbor, Love Joy Peace… but the greatest of these is Love, Love Love Love. Its everywhere, and its obviously important.

Well, lately… I don’t think I’ve been loveing hardly at all… to anyone. I think I’ve subconsciously been kinda numbing myself to a few things that really bother me (though I’d really rather not talk about those…….) by just trying to eliminate conscious love to keep myself from getting all emotional or something… and honestly, its most probably one of the stupidest things I’ve done to try and “make myself better” or “fix myself” or wahtever, I don’t even know. But what I do know, is that I need to stop going through life numbing myself to make everything easier…Especially since all its been doing is making me a very sad person. If you know me, you should know that I’m not a sad person. I’m usually a very happy person, and I’m not pleasant when I’m not happy.

So I’m going to ask anyone who reads this for one thing. Prayer… Thats all I’m asking, nothing else, just a little prayer for me here and there if you think of me…
Well, thank you for reading and praying if you choose to do so…
With Love (and I’m pretty sure I mean it this time )
~**Kalyn
*que cheesy song of the moment: All You Need is Love – The Beatles*

Fruits for Thought

Voiceless Expression — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 06:21:24 +0000

Hey guys…
I’m sorry for my absence… a rather extended absence, too… I don’t really have any excuse for it except… I’m lazy, i guess… or just forgetful… maybe both. idk… anyway. on with my “fruits for thought”

So… today in my Godly Women class, Mrs. Baker came in for a “knit night” and said something that kinda struck me.

“Love and Joy are choices we have to make in our lives” or something along those lines, anyway. But how true is that? I mean… I’ve known love to be a choice. A very difficult one sometimes, too. This made me think more though… Love is a choice. Joy, also, a choice when I think about it. Well, so are the rest of the fruits of the spirit…

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.

All of these beautiful qualities (I guess) are more than just desirable acts, but also choices. Choices that we all, as human beings created by God, must make, no, *get* to make daily. We have the option to shun the fruits of the spirit, or use them in our day to day lives because God is just that great. Stemming from this is something that has truly been bothering me lately. Probably just because I’m a hormonal teenage girl… huzzah for having enough hormones to be able to say I’m the equivalent to an adult shooting drugs up their arm because of the dang things….

anyway. Love. I really and truly is a choice that we have to make. That I have to make. The funny thing is… looking back on all of those silly and pathetic little crushes I’ve had through the years (and probably will have again, I’m just not experiancing any at the current moment…) were all… choices. Everyone will say “oh, you stupid teenagers, your too young to know what love is” when, no. they’re wrong. dead wrong. We aren’t too young to know what love is… I think that as a teenager, I possibly have the opportunity to experience the “feelings” of love at their strongest, but not only that, I have the opportunity to love my friends. Just because we’re young teenagers, you silly silly adults, doesn’t mean that we can’t make the decision to love those around us, such as our friends and for those oh so lucky, or most of the time unfortunate souls who have a boyfriend or girlfriend. So, even as a teenager, I can experience love. Weather you agree with me or not, i strongly agree that its a choice, and those who feel they are in love, are making to choice to be in love. Now, when I say this, keep in mind that I’m not saying that its smart for us to be “in love” THAT way at this age… but ya know… it can happen. I’m just kinda tired of hearing otherwise.

Everything in this life is a choice because God is gracious and loving and almighty and wonderful, and he didn’t want robotic followers. He gave us choices, and those include Love, Joy, Peace, etc….

~**Kalyn

New Story for Oral Interp…

Voiceless Expression — Mon, 11 May 2009 00:20:49 +0000

Ok, guys… Heres the next story i wanna do for mah final speech (oral interp XD). So… tell me if you think it’ll work and what you think of it in general…

The Carnival by Clementyne Howard

At this carnival there was no popcorn. There were no games, no prizes, and no children. There were no laughs, or music, and there were no merry-go-rounds. At this carnival, there was only a bunch of clowns – a bunch of people grouped together in the same white place, all hiding under the same painted on faces.
As I walked into the carnival, I was filled with nervous tension. My body was shaking and I was chewing so fiercely on my bubble gum that my jaw began to ache. I signed in and the lady who was behind the counter said to me, “Ok, Miss Ross. If you will just have a seat right over there until we call your name.” The lady was not one of the clowns. She simply worked for the carnival. She got to wear normal clothing – nice black pants and a white blouse with red designs around the collar. She seemed calm and detatched, and her emotionless countenance clashed with the rest of the charicters in the room. I guess she was used to the scene, and was used to leaving her emotions at home.
Everone else in the room was waiting there for the same reason. We were all experiancing a common fear, and we all wanted this experiance to be over so that hopefully we would all be able to go home and take off these ridiculous costumes. I bet everone there regretted the circumstances that brought them to the carnival. We were all clowns to end up there in the first place.
The walls in this place were white and the chairs were red. In large black letters a sign red FREE TESTING. There was cheap artwork adorning the wall next to the counter. There was a wooden rack that stood upright containing brochures with titles like “Help for the Needle Abuser.”
To my left a man and a woman sat together holding hands. He was the clown wearing one of those “joke” flower pens-the kind that is actually a squirt gun that fires out black ink- and she was the clown with the sparkled hair. Did she really know that the flower was filled with ink? And how much longer would he continue to think of it as only a joke?

In the corner was a man standing on stilts, looking more confident than the rest of the people in the room. He had one of those large red smiles painted on his face. He had dark black paint around his eyes, and white paint covered the rest of his face. It looked as if he spent a long time creating his facade. It looked as though his stilts made him stronger than anyone else in the room. The called his name-”Mitchell…Mr. Mitchell”- and he followed a lady dressed in white through a door and down the hallway. The door shut hard and the man was gone. The room was quiet except for occasional brief conversations. I could periodically hear questions asked to the lady at the counter like, “What time is it?” and “Do you know how much longer I’ll have to wait?” The clowns were becoming impatient. I was becoming impatient. I bounced my leg viciously on the floor and I could feel it shaking my chair and the one next to me. My curly yellow wig was beginning to feel too tight. I desperately wanted to pull it off my head and throw it into the trash can, but I had to keep it on-it was part of my punishment for being part of the carnival.

I saw one of the clowns whose name had been called earlier, walk out of the door that led to the doctor’s offices and back into the waiting room. She looked like she was probably in her mid-twenties and she had large red hair and was wearing a dress with polka dots on it. She had been carrying red balloons earlier, but I guess she left them in the doctors quarter. She was grinning slightly, and by the look on her face I could tell that she had heard good news. She walked past me and gave me a consoling, sympathetic look. I watched as she pushed her way out of the large, heavy glass door and as she got outside, she stopped by the trash can. She pulled the red wig off her head. She removed the rubber band from her hair. Her long, dark curls caught the sunlight and dropped gracefully onto her shoulders. She tore off her ungly, oversized dress. She had on a brown skirt and blazer. She then balled up the red hair and the dress and shoved them deep into the trash can. Before she got into her car, she looked back at me through the glass as if to once again show me her compassion, then stepped into her black camry and drove away. She was glad to leave the carnival.

I envied her. I wanted to be the one who could leave and smile and put the carnival behind me. I wanted these nausiating feelings of intense dread to end. I sat there for what seemed like a painful eternity and suddenly the door to the doctor’s offices swung open and slammed against the wall. Four ladies dressed in white carried the man who had been on stilts through the door. He was crying and wailing fighting them. His black face paint was running over his cheeks and onto his clothes. The red paint around his mouth was still there, but his mouth was wide open. They carried him across the room and through a set of unmarked doors that I had not seen previously. He was in a state of undescribably agony. Would it be me, too, that they weould carry across the room screaming? Would the carnival reduce me to a pile of fake yellow hair and rubber shoes?

I sat there still, silenced, and shocked, as did all of the others. A minutes later, a fifth lady in white walked through the door carrying the man’s stilts. One was broken. Following her, a lady came out and said my name–”Ross… Miss Ross.” I did not want to move. I was too scared. I did not want to be like the man on the stilts. I wished that I hadn’t been forced to come to this carnival. I wished that I was not a stupid clown. “Is there a Miss Ross here?” said the lady. I sighed and then answered–”Yes….I’m here.”–and I walked toward her. I heard the door shut loud behind me. As I walked down the hall one of my big red shoes fell off. I wondered if that was a good sign.

And thats it… feedback muchly appreciated… lol
So long for now…

Words. Random ones… :D

Voiceless Expression — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 04:21:34 +0000

Hello all of my friends/blog readers! lol I’m slightly bored and feeling the need to spew forth words, so… I shall spew forth words.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING BLOG MAY OR MAY NOT BE INCREDIBLY RANDOM.

Yes. random. like a pineapple. or a pineapple octopus. pineopus?
So… whats up all?
I am.. currently well, writing this blog… and talking to my buddies Steph and Chelsea ^^ Hi! you guys rock!
no one else rocks right now because no one else is online

ooh… so, I’m also listening to Love Like Winter – AFI… its my most recent song obsession and its amazing. go listen to it. now. or just watch it here. because I’m smart and can figure it out XDDDDD <3333 AFI = FREAKING AMAZING! *sings the song* ^^

oh look.. its… 10:05. I’m a little tired and should go to bed soon… but I don’t really want to… lol

Lets see… what else can I talk about… *watches her ceiling fan go round and round* well… that just wasted about 10 seconds of my life. lol

ok… so… I’m really excited for spring break ^^ I get to see my dady, and get a new phone… since I snapped my old one in half… lol… I’m not clumsy, really. Did I fool anyone? no? dang. XD I’ve been through so many phones… its kinda funny. heh… I really wish I could get a new iPod… but those things are uber expensive… at least, the touch that I want. and i can’t do 16 gigs because I have too much music for that XD so… es uber expensive. oops.
*switches geers again*
So… Amy Lee has an amazing voice and I’m incredibly jealous. Though… she is quite the alto and I’m proud to have my soprano voice… as of about 3 months ago, but waht does that matter? XP *choir geek* <3 *proud of it*
alright… so… I should get some sleep seeing how I’ve been falling asleep in classes… so…

night all! luvz to mah buddies! <3
To infinity and beyond?
~Kalyn

Far-Off Yellow

Voiceless Expression — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 02:20:18 +0000

Hey all ^^
So… its been *forever* since I’ve posted something.. lol
well… for lack of anything better to post… XD I’m gunna post the cutting of an oral interp I’m gunna do for speech class because it pwns all and is freakin amazing!! XD
its called Far-Off Yellow by Jasmine Hu. enjoi!

In the first six years of my life I had known no other world than the four walls of my room. It wasn’t until I was three that I realized I didn’t look as a child ought to – it was the storybooks, full of pictures of Dick and Jane with their smooth faces and fair hair. There were no mirrors in my room but the hazy reflections in the wood of my desk told me that my face looked different. I begged mother to tell me the truth. That was how I knew I was grotesquely, hopelessly deformed. I hadn’t wept, I hadn’t wondered about the source of my deformities, hadn’t felt horrified. What difference did it make when only Mother could see me? She thought I was beautiful, and so I was beautiful. Until that day. I had been perhaps eight. She had been wearing a yellow sweater. She was a girl my age and she sat on the obsidian sidewalk and sketched a tree. After a while she collected her drawing and left. I saw her often from then on – in the late afternoon she would sit on the sidewalk, watching the world with bright eyes. I should mention that my days were not divided into months. Books were how I kept track of time. The first time I saw her, it was during Love in the Time of Cholera. During Love in the Time of Cholera my feelings for the girl outside my window plunged deeply into love. I don’t know what drew me to her, but I loved her beyond all measure of men or stars. I wept when I realized that this was unrequited love at its most pathetic – when one did not even know the other existed and would never have any hope of knowing. With each book I read, she acquired a new identity. Eventually she became a beautiful conglomeration of Elizabeth Bennett’s fire and Antigone’s fierce courage. I knew very little truth of her, but what I did know I repeated to myself. She liked to read and draw trees. She liked the color yellow. I knew I would never speak to her, but I yearned for a way to communicate, to know she wasn’t a figment of my imagination. So when I was twelve and reading To Kill a Mockingbird, I came up with the idea to play Boo Radley and leave gifts in the knot of her tree. A gift – my own crude watercolor of the tree, all gnarled branches and splotched brown leaves with a dab of yellow near the base. I had stayed in my house for twelve years, and the outside world was something to be wary of. But the need to show the girl that I loved her became so extreme that I knew I had to open the door. I placed a scarf over my face, frightened that the streetlights would reveal me to anyone. Quietly I turned the knob of the front door and took my first step onto the sidewalk. Now, some words in the books made sense. Constant. True-fixed and resting. Under the stars’ gaze I walked to the tree and slipped my painting in. When she came the next day, she did not notice it when she sat down, but just as her pencil traced the knothole, she stood up. I watched. Slowly, she took out the watercolor, white paper illuminating her face and her smile. This was one of many paintings. In all of them I included a misty yellow. She always tucked them away. Once, I slipped an old portrait into the tree. The next day, a note – Thank you, my ghost. I decided to give her an elaborate painting of a peacock, but just as I was about to place the painting, footsteps startled me. It was her. I dropped the painting and was about to run when she grabbed my arm. “Wait, I’m not here to hurt you.” The sight of her so close made me feverish. She glowed softly before the night sky. “Where do you live?” I pointed at my house. “How old are you?” “Thirteen,” I said. “I’ll be thirteen next Tuesday.” I felt for the scarf. I wondered if she’d ask me why I wore it. She didn’t. From that day on we met often, but I was not used to interacting. She sense this and made up for my gaps in conversation. I had long ago been convinced that I knew her, and now I had to acquaint myself with a whole new person. But gradually I felt that I loved her more than any preconceived notions. Slowly, I told her why I wore the scarf, why she could never see my face. I lived in perpetual fear of losing her if a chance wind caused the scarf to flutter off my face. I lent her books. When I first handed her Love in the Time of Cholera, her eyes had grown wide. With every book I lent her she seemed to acquire a steadier glow, until one day during my nineteenth year she told me that she didn’t care, that love was blind, that she loved me, that she might have to go away soon, but could we get married? For one moment I saw my far-off yellow up close. She was bright and beautiful, and could not have a veil for a husband. I told her no. She left me and the tree died afterwards. I grieved madly, throwing my books and paints at the dead tree at night. And then one night I opened up Love in the Time of Cholera, sat down and wrote a perfectly composed letter telling her we could be married after I sought treatment. I left the letter in the knothole, took my books and left. I spent three years searching. Gradually, I gained information from other outcasts, and this labyrinthine path to my cure continued. There was no cure in sight until I got my lead from a hooded man. He told me to see Dr. 1244 and to say that I had a yellow mask. I arrived at the doctors office the next day and the receptionist led me to a hidden door in the wall. A man with a white coat and glasses came in. He said he was Dr. 1244. I took off my scarf and a small convulsion escaped him. He handed me a page of dense words and told me to skim it. A Great War sixty years ago… Catastrophic consequences… Our Federation – leading biotechnology – won with Mutagen Yellow… Transformed genetics of soldiers – a few managed to have children. Children were… “Deformed.” Dr. 1244 said. “Grotesquely deformed in such a manner that no cosmetic surgery could have repaired them.” He looked at me. “The soldiers died off very soon. The children lived. The Federation did not have the resources to solve a human rights crisis, so they mandated hospitals to kill these children. Three thousand infants were silently, secretly murdered. I was one of the scientists responsible for inventing Mutagen Yellow.” His face turned skeletal as he spoke. “It took me almost your entire lifetime to perfect the cure. I began my treatment. It was pain at its most base and electric, and I might have screamed but was too delirious to notice. During my forty-fifth session, the alignment of my features had shifted; the treatment was complete. My face was smooth and chiseled, strange and human. I gave Dr. 1244 almost all my books in thanks and left. She would be waiting for me. I saw her from a distance, standing in her yellow sweater. I ran to her, laughing. She smiled, tears running down her face. “I knew it was you.” I told her I loved her. She said we would live out an eternity together. Then I realized she did not look into my face. “Don’t you see how I’ve changed?” And then I noticed the thin film of white over her eyes. I felt horribly sick. “I don’t see much anymore, my ghost. Love is blind.” “No-” “Now you don’t have to worry about hiding your face. I got the idea from that book, Oedipus-” I began to weep. And as her hands fumbled for my tears, she felt the smooth regularity of my features. Her beautiful blind eyes widened in shock. She hadn’t received my letter. “Its all right,” I held her fiercely. “I’ll read to you every night.” As I held her my tears mingled with a far-off yellow I knew she could not see.

Voila! isn't it amazing? ^^ lol

Ignorance

Voiceless Expression — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 05:57:40 +0000

Ignorance. Bliss. That little saying that everyone hears somewhat often here and hey, guess what. its true.
Think about it. What age group contains the happiest people you’ll ever know? Those over 60 who start to know more than any person needs to know? or those cute, innocent little 5 year olds? I think the little 5 year olds. I mean, think about it. Don’t you always see them smiling and happy as can be? Well, unless they’re crying about how they can’t have the new toy they picked up and momy told them they couldn’t have. But thats veering from my point. Those cute little 5 year olds, are just beginning to learn. Those little 5 year olds have no (or very limited) knowledge of the real world. Money, drugs, sex, death, why momy and dady just got in a fight and are in seperate rooms. Any of it. They might, have an inkling of an idea of whats going on. They don’t truly grasp the concept though. Its all greek to them, when it all comes down to it. If they hear about that murder that is being shown on the news, they ask about it. They don’t dwell on it for long. They don’t fully grasp why this happens. Their mind soon moves to focus on something else. Something nicer. Something happier. Something better.
Ignorance. possibly selfish. Ignorance. true bliss.
I don’t want to know about all the horrid murder and sin going on in this world that we live in. It sucks, to say the least. I want to be that innocent little 5 year old again, who doesn’t understand it all. But I want to be stuck there. Where my biggest problem would be little Jimmy over there stole my twinky. I don’t want to see any of this anymore. I want to think boys have cooties. I don’t want to worry about the problems in life. I want to be sheltered from all this evil in the world again. I don’t want to know any of it anymore. I don’t want to be so corrupt just from this knowledge. I want ignorance. I want bliss. I want out of the real world and into my fantasy worlds once again.

.Ignorance.is.the.only.true.bliss.in.this.world.

Struggles.

Voiceless Expression — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 06:15:50 +0000

Ok, so… since I have this ranom wonderful blog, I shall use it for my random babblings and for venting. I have no idea how often I’ll be writing in here, but if I need to vent, I’ll probably come here… expect it. lol
and since I now have you expecting venting……… whoop.
So, lately, as in the past week or two, I’ve been struggling with something and it has seriously been tearing me apart. Am I a truly original person? One of my best friends was very honest with me when I asked her about this, which I am very thankful for. I guess, I have a tendency to be like others. I see something I like, I pick up on it… I think someone will like something I do, and I guess, I have a tendency to start doing that… this is a serious problem in my mind. I mean, its not like I’m gunna start doing drugs or something because I see someone doing that and think its cool or something… thats just stupid. But whatever happened to my identity? How long has this been going on? Have I ever truly had a true “identity” that I could call my own?
This all brings me to my next question:
How do I find who I truly am? I have a feeling this is going to be a really difficult journey for me… Not that I have like, anyone reading this blog at this point, but I request that anyone who is willing, to help me if they might know how… or just pray for me. That would be so increidbly helpful. I’m really hoping that in the time it takes for me to find myself, I dont get to a point where I look and feel all depressed and waht not… I’ve been known to get that way every once in a while. *sigh*
Well, thanks for reading if you got this far….
Wish me luck…
~Voiceless Expression

First Post!

Voiceless Expression — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 07:07:10 +0000

Alright, so, since I need sleep, this will be a quick post, but a post none the less.
So, I have a blog! I figured that I needed to take my random babblings from those huge IM convos elsewhere, hence this wonderful blog! lol
So, I shall use the right to rant and babbling about anything that comes with a blog. lol
Huzzah! XD